5 Rules for Starting to Look for Love - Part 2

Rule #2: Don't rush looking for love

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It may sound like a bad analogy, but imagine you are buying a new computer, or perhaps a new house or car. Don’t you take the time to research about the product? Don’t you look around for the best value for your money? I think the same should go for looking for a relationship or love.

This rule is very hard to follow because when we fall in love or even just get infatuated, it becomes very hard to control the impulse to start a relationship, or be touchy, or to otherwise go beyond the platonic level of friendship. But consider this: A romantic relationship is supposed to be built to last for a LIFETIME.

Now, some may not agree to this, such as those who get into relationships for the fun of it, even if they go beyond the platonic stage, but that is really not the kind of relationship I am talking about here on my blog. That is not the kind of love I hope people will find.

Going back to my point, if you are looking someone to spend the rest of your life with, isn't it sensible to take your time before putting all the effort, emotional investment, time and other things that go into building a relationship? Making someone fall in love with you is tough work. Growing a relationship is even harder! Do you want all that to go to waste just because you could not be a bit patient with getting to know someone?

Another thing to think about that should prevent us from rushing into relationships is the scenario where we get carried away by our raging emotions and hormones only to find out that a sustained connection to the person you committed to is not possible. If you don't take your time to get to know someone, you could end up finding out things about the person that you actually cannot deal with. It would still hurt even if you both agree that you have to break up. It would be worse if either one of you was actually still interested in continuing but the other just wanted out.

What do you gain by taking your time to get to know someone before switching gears from "Let's be friends" to "Will you be mine" ? A great foundation for a relationship. Relationships are built on shared experience and having a bank of these before you actually decide that you want a romantic relationship with someone is invaluable.

At the start, during the phase in which you are both infatuated with each other, it's easy to have fun together as just being with your loved one is thrilling and exciting enough to sustain the energy of interaction. But this energy will soon subside and those in a relationship will plateau. This is a very difficult stage where many relationships falter (expect a post on this too) and it will be good to have your experiences as friends to fall back on.

I suppose I'm differentiating friendly type activities from romantic type experiences here. In a relationship, there is (hopefully!) a lot of making out and sweet talking and other romantic type things, specially in the beginning. Those are great! But you will find that you wont be spending all of your time together doing that. While being with your loved one may be nice, it may not be exciting as it used to be in the beginning as time goes on.

You will find that if you guys started out as just friends, you can just fall back on those things you did as just friends (when you couldn't make out or be romantic to each other). If you followed rule #1 you should already have a good starting point for non-romantic things to do that will help you survive a plateau.

Another great benefit of not rushing when looking for love is that you end up being more natural and therefore comfortable to be with. If you are of the mindset that you're just trying to get to know somebody and make a friend, you will be more true to yourself and should be less nervous, jittery or shy. This means that you are more fun and you manage to be more honest because you show who you really are when you aren't trying to impress someone.

So to sum things up, not rushing when looking for love makes sure that you get into a good relationship, with someone you are fairly certain you can spend the rest of your life with, or at the very least several years with (there's also that issue about not rushing into marriage). Not rushing when looking for love prevents you from getting into something that could be potentially hurtful and enables you to learn if a person has any qualities that you might find difficult in the long run. Not rushing when looking for love also makes sure that you have a foundation set even before you have a romantic relationship with someone and enables you to be as natural (and hopefully charming too) as you can be with someone so that they see the true you.

Watch out for Parts 3-5 coming soon to find love and build a relationship that matters, or read the first part of this article in the link below.
Part 1: Look for Love in the Right Places
Part 2: Don’t rush looking for Love
Part 3: You Find Yourself Before Finding Love
Part 4: Look for Love Looking Good
Part 5: Looking for Love is not Looking for Sex

Of course, this isn’t complete or absolute in any way and the rules may not apply perfectly to all of those who are looking for love. But I do believe these will help you find a relationship that is worth growing and that you will cherish forever.

Contact someone you met, or look for an old friend. Click Here!
Earn money online to put into things that interest you. Click Here!

5 Rules for Starting to Look for Love - Part 1

Part 1: Look for Love in the Right Places

Find someone you met, an old friend or classmate, click here!

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Most people think they have to go to a bar or club to find somebody who is single and interested, somebody who is looking for a relationship. There are also personal ads in the paper or the fairly new concept of speed dating as venues for starting relationships. While these may work because most people think this is the place where they can find a relationship, they aren’t necessarily the right or best places to be looking for love.

For one thing, bars and clubs are usually noisy, crowded, stinky if you don’t smoke, and dark. This means that it’s hard to get a good look at someone, it’s hard to have a conversation and it is hard to get comfortable with someone if you aren’t used to the “scene.” More importantly, if clubbing isn’t really your thing, this is really the wrong place to look because the chances are you will have something in common (essential to a relationship) with someone you meet in this setting aren’t very good.

As for speed dating and personal ads, I have personally never tried either method, but would like to say that it’s hard to try and put your best foot forward in so many words or in so many minutes. Getting to know someone takes time, a good conversation, a shared experience that takes more than a few minutes, so I wouldn’t look for love along these avenues.

What is the best place to find love? First I recommend picking something you like to do. It should be something you enjoy doing, something you like to talk about and know a lot of things about. For example, I like to read comics, graphic novels and books. Now popular culture paints these as geeky interests, but regardless, it is what I like and I suppose it’s best to be honest to oneself about these things.

Once you have picked this interest, go out and find something to do that is related to that. Join a local book club, or attend a workshop on fiction writing or drawing, find a group on the internet that is interested in this (but do be careful about internet friendships, looking for love is possible over the internet but there are precautions to be taken, which I will maybe discuss some other time). I have a custom search on the side so you can get started there!

When I was in college, I joined the comic book organization, (not really expecting to find someone there) but was lucky enough to find my girlfriend there. The same goes for one of my best friends who was in another college. Another friend of mine joined a Catholic Youth group and managed to find a relationship there. It helped all of us that we had something in common to start our conversations with our significant others with.

If you meet someone who is doing something similar to you, like attending a workshop, it’s easier to start a conversation because you already have a shared experience, the workshop. You already know a little bit about the person because you share an interest.

For example, the first few times I spent with my girlfriend (then just a new acquaintance) we talked about what our favorite graphic novels were and why, our favorite characters, our favorite writers, and the like. These of course lead to other avenues of discussion, but what really got the ball rolling was the easier starting point of the conversation. Conversation and communication is central to getting to know someone and developing a relationship

Another thing to note is there is no need to be nervous because if you are attracted to someone, they will probably not assume you are trying to hit on them if you strike up a conversation (of course you probably will be a bit nervous but keep this in mind because its true!). Most people aren’t that presumptuous. Besides, you wouldn’t want to fall in love with someone who assumes everyone that starts a conversation with him/her is trying to hit on him/her.

Do remember though that you must be coming from a place where you are trying to build a friendship, not yet a relationship. I believe this is good for both parties involved because it eliminates the tension and jitters that accompany a “date” scenario and allows conversation to flow more easily and freely. When this happens, people get to know each other better, and have a better chance of striking up a friendship that could turn into a romantic relationship. That or it allows the person to decide better if the person they are interested in is really the type of person one is interested in.

So to sum things up, the best place to look for love is in a place/event/activity that interests you and involves other people. Use the common interest you have to strike up a conversation and hopefully a friendship with people you might be interested in romantically. Don’t act like you are trying to hit on them because in the first place you shouldn’t since you don’t know then that well yet anyway, just be a friend who has something in common and some thoughts to share about a shared passion. And if you don’t find somebody you want to have a relationship with, at least you made new friends or spent some time on something you are truly interested in.


Watch out for Parts 3-5 coming soon or go to the next rule in the link below:
Part 2: Don’t rush looking for Love
Part 3: You Find Yourself Before Finding Love
Part 4: Look for Love Looking Good
Part 5: Looking for Love is not Looking for Sex

Of course, this isn’t complete or absolute in any way and the rules may not apply perfectly to all of those who are looking for love. But I do believe these will help you find a relationship that is worth growing and that you will cherish forever.

Find someone you met, an old friend or classmate, click here!

Make some money for going out with someone you might like, click here!

Welcome to Finding Love and Growing Relationships

Hi! Welcome to Finding Love and Growing Relationships, an advice blog for those who wish to find a loving relationship and make it grow into something to last. I will be posting things I have learned about love and relationships from my own personal experiences and those of my friends. It is my sincere hope that if you are looking for love, some of my posts will help you find love. If you have already found love, I hope to be able to share some tips on how to keep this relationship alive and make it grow.